Stefan Töpfer
CEO & Chairman of WinWeb
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I'm passionate about very small business, it's positive impact on personal lives and for local communities. Reducing small business failure is my aim and
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Archive for the 'Balderdash' Category

Dragons: “Mr. Darling we’re out!”

By Stefan Töpfer on Oct 18, 2007

Just to have another dig at the UK government, I refer to an article on accounting web. They repot that the Dragons ( I guess out of their den) join the CGT - capital gains tax backlash - they must have told Mr. Darling that they are out.

WOW, now that really changes things, I’m sure Mr. Darling is really shaking in his boots now. Any moment now, Mr. Darling is going to change his mind, not because the whole business community is busting his chops, no the Dragons will have done it.

This kind of obvious opportunism is incredible, why accounting web feels we need to know is, is beyond me. It always amuses me to see these guys sitting with their money in their chairs, behaving in the most ill-mannered way possible, while displaying an arrogance that is breathtaking. The only thing you can learn on that program is why you do not want a partner in your business.

Does anyone know what happened to all the “lucky” ones, who got funded by these small business geniuses, I would really like to know?

You will not be surprised to learn that this post will be filed under “Balderdash“! ST.

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Say something profound today.

By Stefan Töpfer on Aug 24, 2007

If you can’t think of something to say, don’t worry - how about this:

  • Based on structural considerations, our physical distribution strategy broaden our horizons tpwards our platform robustness - or this -
  • In the final analysis, performance-based positioning energizes 24/7 architectures.

These examples and 40 million more are generated on the MBA Writer web-site by Mike Shor (Humor), he writes:

Automatically generate sentences ready for inclusion into your business memos without all of the thinking!!

Here you go b*** s*** at the press of a button, you can use it in your memos, emails (or not) it will impress the readers - as long as they don’t come back and ask you what that means. Don’t you hate that - because now you will have to think and work out what to say.

Thank you Mike, his is very funny - I love it - wait for my new found profoundness in my posts from now on. ;-)
Hat-Tip to
Tim

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Cash-flow Strategies at HMRC?

By Stefan Töpfer on Aug 12, 2007

Is this an example in cash-flow planning, small business and start-up business, like SOHO-, SME, SMB-, Micro-, Lifestyle-, Home-, DIY-, Hobby-, Boomer-, Personal businesses can only learn from?

If you owe money, but don’t pay it, as in this case for over 3 month (90 days), then you create positive cash-flow for your organisation. This “loan” from your creditors, can then be used to fund other activities, like wars, NHS shortfalls or promised tax cuts - could be an election soon.

But you need a good excuse to explain to all your creditors why you can’t pay them on-time, “the check is in the post” is so old, nobody goes for that anymore. HMRC has now come up with a slightly modified version of it:

“…HMRC says that due to the large number of claims for a cheque payment by employers who are entitled to receive the PAYE e-filing incentive, it is taking it longer than anticipated to deal with them…”

If that is not good enough, lets create some barriers to any complaints and that goes like this:

“We are very sorry for the delay. We want to assure you that we do have your claim in hand. We will get back to you. There is no need for you to contact us again. We cannot make a cheque payment if you have any PAYE returns outstanding. And we will clear any amounts of PAYE outstanding before sending you a cheque payment for any balance remaining. So to get your tax-free payment in full, you must send any outstanding returns and payments as soon as possible.”

This is a brilliant move, first the excuse, then do not contact us, followed by if you owe anything we need to deduct it - which will cost time as well - excellent strategic planning.

Bootstrapping at it’s best - wonder if they run seminars on this? You could not use this tactic with HMRC - only with creditors who can’t really do anything about this.

Hat-tip to accountingweb.co.uk

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Sir Elton is thinking that…..

By Stefan Töpfer on Aug 02, 2007

Zoli has a fun post on Elton John:

“I do think it would be an incredible experiment to shut down the whole Internet for five years and see what sort of art is produced over that span.”

Elton will know what Balderdash means, that is where this is filed.

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Never, Niemals, Jamais - SaaS For Everyone.

By Stefan Töpfer on Oct 09, 2006

Phil Wainewright must have had a bad day. He asked in his post:

Who in the world can guarantee that they will never have to work offline?

And then goes on to explain, why SaaS - Software as a Service applications will NEVER replace desktop applications. I am not going into all the wrong assumptions and naive explanations of his post, but have a question for him:

Who in the world can guarantee that they will have their laptop or desktop computer with them all the time?

I hope Phil will have a better day tomorrow.

UPDATE: Dennis has written about this too, I like the title: ” Never is a long time”. I agree it’s kind of forever! ;-)

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The world has gone mad

By Jason Holden on Oct 02, 2006

I had to post this.

Stuart over in the beautiful Lake District is finding it hard to get his best friend Bart a credit card with MBNA.

Now you should know, that MBNA wrote to Stuart’s best friend offering him a credit card, but as Bart is Stuart’s dog it was necessary for Stuart to complete the details for him, unfortunately he was rejected.

Bart won’t be put off though, he has written to MBNA asking them why he can’t have a card of his own?

Have a look at Stuart’s blog, this is a great story.

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50 meter (150 feet) insect found.

By Stefan Töpfer on Sep 28, 2006

I guess GM food may also be good for insects. As you can see on Google Earth, their is a problem in Germany. It is about 50 meters long (150 feet) and could be a problem on the nearby motor-way. :-)
Don’t you love it when this sort of thing happens ! We are still human after all!

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Construction Industry Beware!

By Stefan Töpfer on May 12, 2006

This morning I just have a short note for you, go and read the post “A Warning to the Construction Industry” by Stuart.

The mind boggles when considering, the government is getting more and more desperate to fund it’s enormously inefficient departments with ever more draconian measures. Do these people understand that they are killing business and with that the future income of the country?

Anyway, have a look!

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May Boris be with you!

By Stefan Töpfer on May 07, 2006

My wife told me about this site about Boris Johnson. Who needs Rooney, Boris has real talent. This is absolutely brilliant.Enjoy.

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